Do you know what your child is doing online?

Firstly, a content warning:  this blog post deals with tough concepts related to the impact of unfettered access to smartphones/devices and social media for our young people. 

The countdown is on to 10th December when “age-restricted platforms will not be allowed to let under-16s create or keep an account”. (You can read more about this on the E-Safety Commissioner’s FAQ site.) This is a significant change that has sparked much debate.

The E-Safety Commissioner has worked hard to shift the rhetoric from “ban” to “delay,” an important shift we can use to bring our children on board with the change. As parents, there is a wealth of resources on the commissioner’s website to support you in talking about the delay with your children.  

There are pros and cons to this new legislation. On the con side, concern has been raised by academics and youth mental health advocates that a delay will impact young people’s access to support networks online (particularly for our most vulnerable young people who find it hard to belong in mainstream spaces like schools). They have also argued that it might prevent students from disclosing harm online to an adult for fear of being in trouble themselves or losing access to social media. Lastly, we have all heard the argument that students will find a workaround anyway, so what is the point? 

These criticisms of the delay are valid. However, let’s not forget the reason this legislation came about. Australia is delaying student access to age-restricted platforms because of the immense and enduring harm young people experience on these platforms at younger and younger ages.

The new legislation takes into account that young brains are still developing their capacity to reason and control impulses. Human brains keep maturing well into late teens/mid-twenties (later for some). Young brains are also hyperattuned to the need to “fit in”, belong and be liked. This impacts decision-making. We see this every day in schools, from the smallest choice to muck up in class “because it made a mate laugh”, to choosing to study a subject “because my friends are doing”. 

The new legislation recognises that while our children are resilient, they are also vulnerable to the influence of others. 

Young people are impressionable and unfettered access to social media puts them in contact with good and bad people. A healthy interaction with social media platforms requires discernment that we, as adults, sometimes struggle with.

A primary-aged child on TikTok, Instagram, Discord (not part of the delay, by the way) or Snapchat will encounter a range of people that parents do not know. Some will become great friends or positive influences in their lives. Others will not and asking a child to discern who is safe and who is not from an online chat is a lot to ask. Likewise, expecting children under 16 to be able to say no to a friend who makes an unreasonable request online is unreasonable. The pressure to be liked and connected is often too strong. To expect a child to not take a school conflict online in the evenings, is also unreasonable. They are human beings who at their ages need lots of support and monitoring to make good decisions. 

We need to monitor our child’s online world, but it is hard. The social media delay for age-restricted platforms is designed to support all parents and children as they navigate the complex online world.  

If we don’t put guardrails in place, then we put our children (or other people’s children) in harm’s way. In one sense, the government has given us a gift and an opportunity to mobilise as a community to create change, say no to smart devices as well as social media, and help our young people make good choices and be their best selves. 

Stories abound of students harming themselves in response to something they encountered online, and most recentl,y there were reports of children being exposed to a range of disturbing materials on Roblox. As horrific as it is to read these stories, we need to. 

As parents, our responsibility is to help children balance their online and offline worlds and, when they are online, to monitor what they are doing. Here are some key statistics regarding Roblox: 

“Roblox has doubled in size since 2022, and now boasts roughly 111 million daily users — an estimated 40 per cent of whom are under the age of 13. 

It is also the most popular gaming app among Australian children aged between four and 18, making Australia the second-largest market for Roblox, behind the United States.”

(Source – warning content in the article is disturbing and references the Nazi Symbol, pornography and child abuse).

Roblox is one of the platforms we assume is safe; however, we should never assume that an open online platform is a safe place for our children. With the number of children on Roblox, alongside adults masquerading as children, it is a platform parents need to start monitoring more closely. 

Earlier in the year I gave evidence to the NSW Parliamentary Committee on Social Issues that was looking at the “impacts of harmful pornography on mental, emotional and physical health”. There are two findings from the inquiry that I found particularly disturbing. The first is that the average age of first exposure to pornography is 13 years. This is a shocking statistic. Often this exposure is unwarranted, but it can shape a young teenager’s understanding of healthy, loving relationships and consent for the long term. Sadly, access to pornography is too easy for our young people when they are on smart devices or social media. Once you accidentally click on something, the algorithms will keep sending you the same content. This subtle exposure is harmful. 

Secondly, the inquiry found that the harm caused by early access to pornography for children and young people is not only immediate but can be sustained and prolonged without early intervention. The inquiry found that it can impact sense of self, family life, and lead to maladaptive behaviours that are socially and legally unacceptable. It can lead to self-harm, and in the most horrific instances, the sharing of explicit materials can also impact a child’s wellbeing and lead to suicidal ideation. 

As we approach the 10th of December, my recommendation is that parents work together to put safeguards in place. Included in this newsletter is a link to the “Wait Mate” pledge, which invites parents to “hit pause on smartphones”.

Why not make the pledge and then work with other parents in the school to delay giving smartphones to children? I watched a young girl use a flip phone the other morning on her way to school – no texting, she was actually talking on the phone! This is a great alternative to the smartphone, and it is becoming a new trend. If parents work together to delay smartphones and social media, then children will not feel like they are the only ones, and parents will feel less alone when grappling with tech-based issues. Collectively setting boundaries as parents is powerful. 

I started this article with some of the “cons” of the social media delay. Here are some talking points regarding the cons: 

• It is the responsibility of age-restricted platforms to ensure no child under 16 is on their platform. Therefore, it is the company (not the child or family) that is in breach of the legislation. A child who comes forward to report harm will not be in trouble but celebrated and supported for reaching out to adults for help.
• Children will find workarounds for the delay if we allow them to do so. Use the social media delay to lean in and more closely monitor your child’s devices so it is harder for them to find that workaround. 
• Students who lose their support network online are young people who need our care and attention. If you, or our teachers, are worried about a child losing their support online, then we need to help them access the in-person supports within and beyond the school community. We can also help them access other supports online that are not social media platforms.  

Above all, if your child complains about the ban, reassure them: it is not a ban but a delay. It is simply “not yet”.  

As parents, you are in the driver’s seat about technology access and usage for your children. Don’t give them too much before they are ready. Monitor what they are doing online and get into the platforms they are accessing (such as Roblox and Discord) to see who they are interacting with and how the platform works. Engage other families in the conversation about how they are limiting their child’s time online, and sign the Wait Mate pledge to build a network of like-minded parents.  

You are not alone; as a school community we are here to support our families, but we can’t control whether a child has access to smartphones or social media in the home, where much of the harm occurs. This is within the locus of control of parents and carers.  

Lastly. I encourage all parents to ask themselves these questions: Do you know what your child is doing online and who they might be interacting with? How might you find out? 

My hope is that the 10th December is seen as a time to reset nationally and refocus on the health and wellbeing of our young people.